Note to My Blessed Little Lessons Family
Jackson Family Chaos & Small Joys
I fall asleep and wake up to Yo Gabba Gabba and the Teletubbies. My days revolve around cereal, animal crackers, Pampers, juice, bottles, and endless milk, accompanied by a nonstop remix of “mom” and baby babble. If I’ve eaten three decent meals, slept in my actual bed, showered, and had even one hour without a baby crying, I count that as a win. Most days are a blur of my son literally riding my back, mindlessly picking up and putting my daughter down, heating bottles, cooking, and managing my anxiety.Some days I’d much rather be shopping online, laying in the sun on Coligny Beach, getting a mani + pedi, or enjoying dinner at Cheddar’s, Cafe Milano, Shake Shack, or Dave & Buster’s. Anywhere but here. But the moment I'm away from it all I find myself breaking my neck to get back.
My saving graces are Crown Peach and my husband, who lovingly reminds me to rest, takes over in the kitchen, and gives his all for our kids just to buy me some peace. If someone had told me a few years ago that the husband I legally divorced right before the pandemic would be here today, remarried to me, with two little ones creating joyful chaos, I wouldn't have believed them. Yet here we are, a happy Jackson family, chaos and all. I’m truly blessed. And my other saving grace is a good walk or run, because my body, in all its imperfections, still carries me.
Two Under Two: Oh Yes... I Did
I absolutely would. My children are perfect. I see so many loved ones reflected in their curious faces. Their eyes are bright, their skin glows, and their presence is glorious. They both have the same distinctive birth mark, that lets me know they're mine. They’ve unlocked a part of me I never knew existed. I find myself singing, cooing, smiling, and fulfilled. When I'm delirious and unable to lean in any longer I think about how incredibly blessed I am to have them. I'd do it again down the road.Big Feelings, Quiet Boundaries
For me, pregnancy brings incredibly intense emotions, the kind that create almost out-of-body experiences. Those feelings can lead to major miscommunications or even permanent disconnections with people who don’t or choose not to understand. So, to protect my peace, I promised myself I’d communicate less. I know pregnancy sometimes makes me lose self-control.Unlike my pregnancy with Jaxon, this time I chose intentional isolation. I didn’t let trivial disturbances in. I prioritized staying active and investing energy only into things that poured back into me and my family. It was hard at times, but it was rewarding. I stepped back from a few public commitments, but in return, I got peace. Peace that allowed my husband and me to welcome Moon without guilt or unmet expectations.
Postpartum Isn’t Time Travel
Postpartum is HARD. After birth, you want life to return to normal. But one thing I’ve learned, twice now, is that there’s no going back. A new normal emerges. Your body changes. Your emotions are high. You need help. But somehow, you still feel the urge to handle everything on your own, people knowing how hard it is, will let you handle it alone.
With Moon, I finally accepted that I couldn’t. A few days after she was born, my husband returned to work full time. I tried to let him rest when he got home, but one day after running a shower, I fainted in the hallway. He found me on the floor and carried me back to bed. I didn’t rush to the hospital. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my babies. That says a lot about the surreal delusion many of us experience postpartum.Scary Moments and Honest Realizations
That fainting spell wasn’t random. I had run myself ragged. I wasn’t eating, barely drinking water, and definitely not resting. Eventually, I ended up in the hospital, dehydrated with dangerously high blood pressure. Exactly what I was trying so hard to avoid.Lying in the ER, hearing the alarms tied to my vitals, I felt scared. I chose to be alone. I didn’t want to hear what I could have or should have done differently. I was truly doing EVERYTHING. I was terrified I’d need more medication. I was devastated at the idea of being separated from Jaxon and Moon. That made healing even harder. I didn’t talk about it at first. I was afraid people would call me a bad mom. But here’s the truth: raising kids, especially two under two, is incredibly hard, even with help. I didn't have help in fact I was met often with I know you have your Husband, I know you can handle it, you've got this all-down pat.
Getting Help That Matters
That incident pushed me to have to monitor my blood pressure through UPMC’s Vivify program. I had hypertension during my first pregnancy, and I was determined not to go through that again. Thankfully, my numbers were manageable, but it reminded me that I have limits.My mother and mother-in-law stepped in, visiting regularly. Their presence gave me space to recover. Our amazing doula, Mel, connected us to another doula, Jasmine, who offered additional support and Jaxon enjoys her. The women in my life lifted me up as only we know how to do. If I could add, when offering help to a new mom, leave her space a little better than you found it and try to honor her ask to the "T". Yes, enjoy the baby or babies but prioritize helping Mom!
Making Room for Mario
And while I was processing all of this, two years deep in postpartum world, I had to make space for my husband’s experience too. A new father, whose learning curve often makes things incredibly difficult for me.
After Moon was born, he told me about his fears. Fears about raising a daughter. Fears about being a good dad. Fears I didn't have the answers to. How different the birth of his daughter was from the birth of his son. His own childhood didn’t include a present father. He’s still grieving the loss of his sister. He’s carrying a lot. His mental health. The weight of responsibility. A growing family. And yes, a slightly wild wife. Being a father doesn't come so naturally.
It hasn’t been easy. But he’s making effort to show up.
Before Our Kids
Before our kids, there was us. After our kids, there will still be us.
My husband’s willingness to grow with me is something I cherish. We were robbed of our childhoods being parents to people who weren't our kids. Were we a perfect parenting team at first? Not at all. We struggled, especially with Jaxon, and no one could fix that but us. But with Moon, we’re learning. We’ve grown. We’ve softened. We're leaning into the struggle.
We binge watch TV shows like The Chi together. We find time to touch, kiss, and do everything as a team. We dream about future getaways, even if right now all we have are late night laughs in a cluttered kitchen. We will “date night” real hard at home. Every small step we take is a reminder that we’re still in love.
We binge watch TV shows like The Chi together. We find time to touch, kiss, and do everything as a team. We dream about future getaways, even if right now all we have are late night laughs in a cluttered kitchen. We will “date night” real hard at home. Every small step we take is a reminder that we’re still in love.
What’s Next for Bran
As for me, I’m preparing to return to work and figuring out what’s next. I spend a lot of time outside, quietly reflecting. I’m dreaming big about Branseats, maybe a family farm or compound, and leaving a legacy beyond today. I'm making space for this blog and if you know anything about Mom-life making time anything outside of your babies, especially this, can be incredibly hard.
Joy in the Small Things
I’m finding joy in simple pleasures. The cute Betsey Johnson wallet I got for Mother’s Day. The mini Jansport my husband bought me. My gold phone case. My dad’s laptop. A book from my mom. Flowers from my mother-in-law. Breakfast I’ve been making nonstop. My friends, my family outside of my family, my little obsessions.
Always, Gratitude
This is where I am now, living with intention, choosing joy, and honoring the journey.
Above all, I thank God for healing my soul and giving me reasons to smile every single day.