“After all that I’ve been through... I still have joy.”
On the way home from work I heard this song for maybe the one millionth time, but this time it brought tears to my eyes. Tye Tribbett’s “Still Have Joy” read the lyrics, listen to the song, it’s the epitome of life for me lately. But before we get all deep!!!
Hey, Blessed Little Lessons & Laughs with Bran family.
It’s been a while. Honestly, ya girl was surviving.
As badly as I wanted to be the mom who balanced everything gracefully, I just couldn’t. Blogging wasn’t in the cards for me. I thought about it, I had drafts on drafts, and truthfully, I had to make peace with that. I wasn’t necessarily struggling as much as I was prioritizing being present for the very thing I spent a lifetime praying for: my husband and my children.
Being present meant healing postpartum. It meant monitoring my blood pressure, reducing my stress by any means necessary, and intentionally finding my joy again.
I spent years trying to find my way back to what I thought life should be, but I’ve found joy in being present for my son, who’s a talking Tom, and my daughter, who took her first steps one day as I came home from work. I've been a present wife long enough to see my husband do everything for my family and me that I prayed for, and being present for it all has made me feel at home.
surviving & softening
People love to say that once the baby gets here everything becomes sunshine and rainbows, that it’s an easier road, but that hasn’t been my reality. We are constantly learning, learning, learning as Dr. Taliaferro used to say. Learning ourselves, learning our children, learning balance, and that learning never ends.
So if you’re new here, hey friend hey. My name is Brandy, some people call me Branz or Bran. I’ve been married to my husband, Mario, for almost nine years, and together we have two beautiful children: Jaxon (2) and Moon (1). We’re officially no longer “two under two.” Now I have a full-blown temper tantrum toddler and my little baby reptar, both ruling this warm space we call home, and they are absolutely my world. I don't hesitate to show pictures of my family.
Outside of motherhood, life is full. I’m a full-time student at IUP majoring in Hotel, Restaurant, Tourism & Event Management with a minor in Marketing. I recently started a new position as a part-time reservations coordinator at the Pittsburgh Zoo, and somewhere in between all of that, I still cater through Branseats LLC.
Spiritually, I’m still finding my footing too. I’m still searching for a church home, but I’ve really enjoyed attending Macedonia this year. I also recently found a new therapist. It's been a me vs. me season, and as gracefully as I’ve flowed through energy like this before, I’m doing my best not to make the same mistakes.
To my OG readers: thank you.
Thank you for reminding me that you were still reading. Thank you for seeing me during a season where I was quietly trying to hold everything together and sort it out through this very blog. There were moments where this blog stopped feeling safe for me. At one point, something that started as healing and honesty became something people used against me, and I slowly pulled away from it.
When engagement became low, I started questioning whether this space was helping anyone at all. But many of you reminded me that it was.
I never wanted this blog to become a place where I simply vented. I wanted it to be honest, encouraging, relatable, and healing. What I’ve realized over this last year is that sometimes isolation and self-work are necessary before you can truly pour into others again. I had to take time for myself without a deadline.
One thing I tend to do is glaze over the good things in my life out of fear. Over time, I’ve learned that not everyone will celebrate your happiness the way you hope they will. But I’ve also learned that I deserve to share my joy anyway.
My goal moving forward is simple: I want this space to reflect real life. The healing. The grief. The lessons. The laughter. The growth. I want my honesty to encourage someone else to embrace their own journey too.
motherhood changed me
And despite everything, I’m happy. I wear that like a badge of honor.
I’m deeply grateful to God for continuing to heal me and equip me with what I need for this season. Double postpartum taught me a lot. I’ve learned that I can’t show up for people in the same ways I used to, while also learning to lower my expectations for how people show up for me.
I’ve moved away from hiding parts of my life out of fear of imitation. These days, I jokingly call myself the blueprint, and you know what copy away.
Motherhood has changed me in ways I never expected.
Having a son healed parts of me I didn’t even realize needed healing. Before Jaxon, I prayed and prayed for a little boy, and now watching him grow, protecting him, laughing with him, and keeping him close has brought me so much joy.
And then there’s my daughter.
Girl moms... can we talk about how having a daughter pulls on your womanhood in such a deep way? It changes your tolerance levels, softens you, challenges you, and somehow makes you reflect on yourself all over again. My Moon baby makes me even prouder to be a mother.
learning to receive help
Now, is there help? Yes and no. We still have an amazingly supportive community, and thankfully we have access to more resources than we once did.
We’re still actively trying to find consistent and affordable childcare while we both work. We’ve leaned on people close to us before, and unfortunately inconsistency has cost us emotionally, mentally, and financially. So at this point, our focus is stability.
Right now, support looks different. Sometimes it’s family helping with things the kids need. Sometimes it’s checking in, stopping by, or sharing a meal with us. It may not happen often, but I’ve learned to appreciate what support does look like instead of grieving what it doesn’t.
At the end of the day, Mario and I know it’s our responsibility to provide for our children. We may not do everything perfectly, but we’ve shown up consistently, together, and I’m proud of that.
choosing us again
And speaking of Mario, fresh off Mother’s Day, I genuinely have to credit so much of my recent growth and healing to my husband.
He’s been doing his own work mentally and physically, and his support has allowed me space to grow too. It hasn’t always been easy for us. But recently, we’ve truly embraced being a team.
As the oldest daughter and someone who has always operated independently, I’m used to carrying everything. But my husband has stepped into leadership in ways that have allowed me to soften and not feel like I have to figure everything out alone anymore.
Together, we’ve been making intentional time for each other. Going outside more. Putting the kids to bed and actually spending time together. Working out together. Praying together. Growing spiritually and emotionally together.
That took time. It took perspective shifts. It took accountability. It took surviving very hard seasons. But I’m thankful for where we are. I’m thankful to have HIM.
protecting my peace
As I continue prioritizing myself and my family, the way I approach relationships has changed too.
This season has taught me that I can’t pour endlessly into people anymore. I recently experienced a friendship where I found myself emotionally drained from constantly carrying heavy conversations while also trying to manage my own life.
The truth is, I’m not the dependable friend I used to be, and for the first time in my life, I’m okay admitting that. The authentic people around me are very understanding of that too.
I don’t have the emotional capacity to constantly rescue, fix, or overextend myself anymore. Between motherhood, marriage, school, work, healing, and simply trying to enjoy the life I created, I have to protect my peace differently. I'm choosing me in the best way, and that boundary has created room for healthier connections.
I’ve met beautiful women recently through work, church, and even simple everyday interactions who pour into me just as much as I pour into them. I’ve experienced friendships rooted in encouragement, support, kindness, and reciprocity, and I’m incredibly grateful for that.
For the first time in a long time, my community feels safe. Instead of feeling like the rug is constantly being pulled from under my feet, I finally feel like I have people I can lean on.
we’re still doing the work
We’re still outside. We’re cooking together as a family. Meeting with our nutritionist. Building healthier habits. Touching grass. Working toward long-term healing mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. And yes, as I mentioned above, therapy is still part of that journey.
I recently ended my relationship with my previous therapist because it no longer felt productive. Sessions started feeling more like time fillers than opportunities for growth. One thing I always tell people when recommending therapy is to “find the right fit,” and eventually I had to go back and take my own advice. I’m so thankful I did.
This new season of therapy has been refreshing, challenging, and healing in all the right ways. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: you do not have to settle when it comes to getting the support you need. That goes for anything.
but i still have joy
So yes... after everything I’ve been through, I still have joy.
The last few years forced me to let go of timelines, expectations, and versions of life I thought I needed to survive. But through it all, God has continued restoring me in ways I never imagined. He’s so intentional and faithful.
Is life perfect? No. Is it unfolding exactly how I planned? Also no.
But even here, in the middle of healing, rebuilding, motherhood, grief, marriage, growth, and uncertainty, God has still given me joy.
We have so much to catch up on. So much to unpack. So much to grow through. But for now, thank you for being here.
And welcome back to Blessed Little Lessons & Laughs with Bran.